Lily Evans and the Curse of Cheesy Pickup Lines
by trubholls25
Summary: One bad line starts it all...Lily is annoyed, James is determined to win her over, and Sirius thinks everything is hilarious.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my first attempt at HP ff, just a little idea I thought would be interesting. Please read it and tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, not mine.**

It all started in second year.

We had moved past the wide-eyed awe stage that first years were generally stuck in, but still had not reached the hormone- and Hogsmeade privileges-fueled wildness that consumed the third years. As second years, still lowly but not nearly as innocent, people were starting to realize that— oh Merlin! —there were _actually_ members of the opposite gender right here, in our own dormitories at Hogwarts, that you could ask out on real-life dates. [Sarcasm heavily intended.] Needless to say, this realization took place mostly on the boys' part. Somehow, in their sad excuses for brains, they were able to see that contact with girls didn't necessarily give one cooties. If I seem at all bitter about this development, well, as a matter of fact I am. There is definitely good cause, though. For me, it's all because of a certain James Potter.

It was no secret that he fancied me— in all honesty, it wasn't that hard to figure it out, what with the staring, drooling, and pushing (me) around. However, expectations that he would handle it with dignity, or at least as much as possible, went sadly downhill with the events of a certain November day, in the hallways after Transfiguration…

Giggling about how Artie Pelham had somehow managed to set McGonagall's hair, robes, and wand on fire without her noticing, Marlene and I walked down the hall, heading out to the greenhouses for Herbology. I stopped to put on my Gryffindor scarf before heading out into the wind and snow, when I heard it. "Oi, Evans! Wait up a minute, will you?"

I turned around and saw the Marauders, self-proclaimed pranksters extraordinaire, running to catch up to us. "Umm…what do you want?" I asked.

Sirius Black, impish and already a ladies' man, pushed Potter forward. "C'mon, James, get on with it already! Slughorn's gonna give me detention if I don't go and help him skin all those shrivelfigs he got yesterday."

I stepped up to him. "Hmm, Black, that wouldn't have anything to do with the fact you exploded your cauldron last lesson, would it?"

"You know what, Evans…"

Remus intervened. "Back off, Sirius."

I smirked. "You know, Black, if you had just listened to the advice of your seat partner, your antidote would have turned out just fine."

"Oh sod off already."

Potter shifted from one foot to another. "Er, Lily, mind if I talk to you outside for a minute?"

"About what?"

"You know, that thing, from class last week?"

"Um, not really, actually, but alright."

"Great!" Potter's relief was visible, and I followed him outside. Next to the pathway to the greenhouses, he looks down uncomfortably and avoids my gaze.

"Potter? Why exactly did I need to come out here?"

"Oh, yeah. Right. Well then. Okay, here it goes. Evans…is your father a thief?"

I stare at him, utterly confused. "What? Of course not!"

Slyly looking down at me, with a stupid grin on his face, Potter replies, "Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?"

I snort, and then realize he is partly serious. "You arrogant git, Potter! Did you really think a line like that would work on me, or anyone with a brain?"

He stammers, "But-it's true! Won't you go out with me, Evans?"

"Never, but especially not with cheesy lines like that. You could at least try to think up something halfway decent."

"I'm wounded, Evans! But, do I detect a challenge there, perhaps?"

I back away slightly. "No, no, of course not!"

Potter grins devilishly. "In that case, Lily Evans, I accept. You think that was bad, eh? Well, let's just say you haven't seen anything yet." He sauntered off inside, with considerably more spring in his step. "Guys! We've got some work to do!" he called out.

And so it began.

**Thanks for reading! Next chapter should be longer and go into more background. Please review!**

**trubholls25**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: This chapter doesn't have that much happening in it, but I needed to set up the plot. It was pretty easy to write, so that's why I can update so fast! Please, please review!

**Disclaimer: Not mine, sadly.**

After almost losing an arm to the Venomous Tentacula in Herbology, Marlene and I walked to the Great Hall to meet up with Alice, who had been in Potions (she was really good in Herbology, so Professor Dumbledore allowed her to take it with the third years). Giggling, Marlene asked me, "So, what was all that stuff with Potter about?"

I groaned. "Ugh, I'm not even sure. First he stammers on about 'getting it over with', then he tries to use this awful, cheesy line on me, and then he asked me out! I don't know how he got so confident, but he should just stop, and go back to silently drooling over me in class."

"Come on Lily, its Potter! He's always been like that, just not with you. But I imagine that, since he and Black spent the whole summer chasing after Muggle girls, he would be a bit bolder around you. Although, did he really ask you out?"

"Yes! Right after some line about my eyes, he just came right out with it! Even if it wasn't Potter, we're still only second years. I'm too young to date!"

Marlene snorted. "Right, so that's why you were gaping at that prefect the other day, and why Alice is always staring after Frank Longbottom. Anyway, what did you say?"

"No, of course! You can't actually believe that I would say yes, do you?"

"Well…At first, I did you see. Potter was so happy when he came in, it just seemed like, if he did ask you out, that you must've said yes."

Sighing, I figured I would have to tell her. "It's not good, at least for me. When Potter used that pickup line, and then wanted me to go out with him, he took my response as a kind of challenge, I think."

"Ooh, how so?"

"Don't be so excited! You don't have bloody James Potter following you around every single waking moment."

"Really, Lils, I'm just interested. Besides, I am with you most of the time, so James Potter really follows us around, not just you."

Apologetically, I replied, "I'm sorry, Marlene, you're right. Although, do you remember that time last term when he tried to follow me into the loo?"

We both laughed. "Of course—how could I forget? The look on McGonagall's face was priceless!"

Suddenly we were at the Great Hall, and Alice came bounding up behind us. "Hey guys! What's so funny?"

Marlene answered. "Oh just the usual, you know. James asked Lily out, and he's taken some kind of challenge from her."

Alice was literally jumping from what appeared to be excitement. "What? You have to tell me everything! I can't believe he finally asked you out, he's only been wanting to since he first saw you on the Hogwarts Express."

I couldn't help but smile at her eagerness. "Calm down, Alice. I didn't even take it seriously."

She was crestfallen. "But it would be so sweet! No? Well, I guess it's your choice. But what is this challenge that Marlene was talking about?"

Marlene smiled expectantly at me. "Well, Lily here hasn't actually said yet. But I'm getting the feeling that it's going to be good!"

They both grinned slyly at me. Groaning, I replied, "Fine, I'll tell you. But can we at least sit down first?" Once we were all settled at the Gryffindor table, I began. "Well, after I turned Potter down, he seemed to take my response to his line as encouragement. After I told him that I would never go out with him, but especially not with lines that bad, he asked me if that was a challenge. I said no, but then he seemed to take it as kind of a contest to ask me out with continually worsening pickup lines. That's why he was so excited when he went back inside to Sirius. I'm afraid that this might become kind of a regular thing."

Both sighed. "Oh, Lily, that's kind of sweet, don't you think?" Marlene cooed.

Indignant, I replied, "It's not! Definitely not! Now he's just going to try to act more and more like an idiot, trying to get me to go out with him. It's just some stupid, hormone-filled chase to him, and really annoying to me."

Alice thought for a minute, and then said, "You know, Lils, you could always just say yes, and go out with him to get it over with. He's pretty committed, so I don't think he's going to let up on this. But if you did go on a date with him, then you could let him down gently and he might take it seriously and leave you alone, you know?"

Absolutely not. I just—no, no I can not and will not go out with James Potter, who only cares about his pranks and his friends, yet manages to do just as well as me in most classes without even so much as looking at the textbook. "No! I'm sorry, but I cannot bring myself to think about going on a date with James Potter, even if it would be to get rid of him. I guess I'll just have to put up with him."

Alice and Marlene exchanged a glance. "If that's what you want to do Lily, we'll definitely help you avoid him," Marlene said, "Or anything else you need. I just think you should be prepared."

"Well, what's the worst he could do? It'll probably get annoying, but he's bound to lose interest sometime, right?" Marlene and Alice looked doubtful. Then an owl dropped an envelope over my plate, which I barely managed to catch before it fell into my goblet.

I showed the letter to Alice and Marlene. It was weird, since mail never comes after breakfast. But then we all saw the writing on the envelope: _Dearest Lily-Flower_, in large, loopy cursive letters. I groaned. It wasn't going to be as easy to get rid of him as I had previously thought.

Oh, how little I knew.

**Thank you for reading! Please review—I want to hear what you think!**

**trubholls25**


End file.
